why are you frustrated?
i have alot going on
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.
are you ever over here?
I have a strange relationship to food. The feeling of being hungry and not wanting to eat have become intertwined. Relations between everything has changed since arriving here.
Makes reality a bit more surreal, the emotion. Everything is relative and therefore so are you. All the compontents adding to your identity. ID - identification. Something that idetifys.
Symbols, posture, thickness of your skin.
The narrative is set in stone by others. The obvious is being juiced and milked so much that it lacks any vital substanse. If we can bypass it we become unified.
For todays class i presented the blaze, my aim was to open a disscussion without talking to much. The teacher tried to force something out of me, everybody felt it.
Opposite of what blazing feels like, natural, organic, pure. I want to se my people happy, i want them to be happy. I'm really looking forward to enjoying.
Some things are better left unsaid
deprived walking around without aim or purpose. Just be and become, can sometimes sound hauting. The first ATM refused my card and the second one wasn't working.
For the time being in limbo I wait for better days. I work towards them, i do not sleep, i rest. A vegan working with real leather from a dumpster. Second hand pain passing it to my costumers.
Time has gone by quick and I'm in desperate need of money to pay for rent. Currently 162e, I'm 77e short. Is that why height is attractive? Does money make us more sexy?
Let's present ourselves in moneyheight from now on. Some are so long they circle the world many times.
Outside abient: sunshine and rain. Inside-love and pain.
currently supporting my financial life by sowing new zippers on second hand clothes for a guy i met a few days ago who is working at the fleamarket in town.
the deal is i do one piece for 15e and he delivers all the stuff to me, to the garden with a door leading to the work room. Also applied for a job in the canteen.
I wanted to give my cv to the coffee shop near me.
I forgot to bring it. Better that way. The guy laughed when I said I was looking for a job. Machobitch.
I found it.
Finishing replacing the old zip with a new one took me about 30 min. The tricky part was to assemble the contruction again.
Deconstruct - recontruct. Three layers of textile, one being the lining. Soft and slippery on one side and thick and firm on the other.
I sent a picture to Amine and he was satisfyed.
-Top quality i told you!
-Sounds expensive.
Waking up in the middle of the day was confusing. The smokey and loud noise was still ringing in my brain.
Bodies standing in formation all towards the matter producing base - amplifying it and blasting it through the speaker.
Shake off the shit you are carrying. Like putting a heavy bag down.
What do you carry in yours?
As I am leaving the hotpot my mouth is nicely burning
spicy food gives me pain and pleasure
i feel alive again after chewing on chili
drowling and gasping for air, coconutmilk is the perfect antidote
passing windows and faces I see yours
ARMIN - community beyond reach. can it be...
walking and staring at the sign i am unaware of the crowd standing still in my path
talking and laughing so loud that the echo reaches the end of the world
but i can't hear them
i walk straight into a wall of shoulders and hit the ground
its raining on my face
glitter water making me wetter by the second
before i know it im launched back on my feet
-oh dear, i hear someone say
-that looks expensive
a doussin of people staring at me
someone poiting their flashlight shining it on my face
all looking and examining the damaged good
i look down where i once layed and see a squared little item
i pick it up and the milk is starting to taste like metall
i closed my gap and put the item in the pocket, slice through the crowd
a warm cup of tea and saltwater
i gurgle on the water
my spit is a mixture of liquids
hang in there baby
my phone buzzed and the notification mentioned some payment
when i get my money you will get yours
until then im holding onto mine
no one or thing will take this from me
i write this down on a piece of paper and place it on my window
this is for me and the world to know
the star in the sky is giving us white light
it used to be yellow or blue
the people described it as white but didn't know what white was until the day came
sweet scent blowing in to my living space
it might be a sugar sponge cake
somebody is baking something somewhere
i dragged my raggidy body up the stairs moved across the room and melted onto the floor
where i lay
unable to move
i melt so much that my body becomes indestingueshed i glide out of everything i have on me
a reflective puddle on the black floor
i am nothing and no body
i feel pressure from two points, assembling me like you do with a lump of mud
putting me together
i feel heat from large bodies moving up and down in a melodic tempo
my emotions together and taken care of
we care and we are here for you
i feel myself rising from the black floor
body light as a feather floating and drifting away
no air no room just me and my body gravity - gone
the angels put me slowly on my feet and hold me for a moment
they never left
We don't have time
To waste time
Global cry sis
On my grind
Day and night
Running up the street then run down
To the cemetery, I don't understand why I came
Reluctant to accept the unknown
I struggle but continue and muffle my frustration
The feeling of loneliness catches on to me when I'm here.
In a similar place my elders are resting. I never got to spend much time with them only my mothers mother.
A big part of me erased just like that.
Perhaps stored inside of me. My steps slowly grow.
A vindy day, sky-gray. I stop look up and the sun comes out slightly.
in front of me i read KATA.... DERVENTA... BOSNIA AND HERCEGOVINA.... 1932.
My Kata was born in 1932, in Derventa in Bosnia and Herzegovina.
The light was warming me for the first time .
I cried as my lightrepellers were filling up with tears.
suddenly i have company
you strut in and make your way up
i follow you gently
i dont want to startle you
as you pass the kitchen you exit to the balcony
my eyes follow every move
eventlually you go down effortlessly along the wall that has the shape of a c
and you stay there
do you want to meet me?
its worth a shot
i'll come down
i kissed someone who was sick
now i am too
strange thing I never seam to get used to the cold
we were lucky enough to have clouds until the sun cracked them open and shined down on people
everywhere I went I saw repellers
big ones
thick ones
shiny and ugly ones
some people didn't have any so they stayed hurdled up on the corner
hoodie covering their faces
finally moved out of the closet and occupied other space
needed to do that to be happy
and to have 5G
am i happy for me
I I
I I
I I
I I
I I
I I
I I
I I I I
I I
I I
I I
I I
am
My father is a refugee
So is everyone else around me
My mother is a refugee
My brother is a refugee
I was born in a country far away from theirs
where the star never rise and the rain is constant
flowers don't grow without light
they drown in the water flooding the soil
Im standing here between you and me
Can't you see We are all we need
I'll plant the seed
i remember it clearly
i was walking my neighbours dog when a line appeared on the ground
i looked up and closed my eyes instantly
the split second of gazing was enough to penetrate my eye balls
i lost sight of anything above me
the doctors told me i was lucky
- a little bit longer and your face would facilitated emty holes, the doctor was holding his hands in front of his eyes
- luck seames to follow me, i replied
Gaga became depressed after loosing sight
my arms weren't long enough for both of us
the leash was suspended as i made my way crawling back
one arm holding on to the leash and one covering my face
the door was wide open and i quickly tugged on the leash one last time before closing it
adapting to the new world was a struggle for us
we came a long way on our destructive journey
we knew of no other choice of living
we didn't have time to find it
i used to play videogames when i was younger, on a tv screen
at the end there was always a big evil scary monster - standing in the way of the next level - freedom
all that im making comes from a place of hurt and pain
mistrust abused voulnerability
this is not me but what you did to me
all of it
from here on im choosing light
beer
puh
the lumps in my chest feel a bit better
deep tissue massaging has helped to minimize the size of the small pearls
i started to feel some of them suddenly all of them arrived
i thought that i could ignore them and they would dissappear
that didnt work
so i started to touch them and then i started to apply preassure
at first it was painful
now all i feel is relief when i wake up in the morning
the radiation from the white star caused this
a day before my errands required me to travel in to town
on the bullet everybody was wearing them
the light was full on yet nobody seamed to be alarmed
on the contrary i was rushing up and down the streets
in the small rooms on the side of the wall you could find anything you need
you just have to know the code
my programming allowed me into specific ones
the star gushing i can do nothing but wait
the bullet is late
a man was telling me something i looked at his dog
swiped my face and then he repeated
so i moved and he gently took out a piece of information
.....this button has 267432 germs on it......
he explained that he needed to find buttons like this - there was three behind me
in the ditance the frequency can be heard
i look up before i look down
walk faster
we're gonnna be late
come on
on one hand I understand why my mother is like this
i sad faster come on
on the other i wish she could just take a moment and not be so harsh
i did become crazy at some point
lashing out on the furniture in our house
i slammed the door as many times as i could and as hard as i could
this would trigger my father who would come from the livingroom yelling
i would lock my door and he would bang and kick
i really thought he would brake it
pressure cooker full of steam and not one indication of release
so much anger without knowing where it came from
the world made my angry and then asked why
The CON
CONvict
iCON
CONfused
popCON
catholiCONs
baCON
CONgo
CONcuror
CONtaminated
CONsequense
bluffs are called out and still they exist
we know there's a structure stable af
we unscrew screws while they mount new buildings every second
uphill
downhill
which hill
that hill
a hill that doesn't feel like a hill
my hill
my hill
I hurry in from the drizzling rain
it's dark outside
the light reflect a second to long, for a moment I thought
my seat is comfortable, so much padding just for me
I'm not sure which way to cross my legs, both parties next to me have crossed theirs, toward me
the creature filing their nails has caught everyones attention
they don't take long before they stand on their feet
dancing, with themselves, with some from the audience, I scan the feet wrapped in cloth
they move so familiar
it brings tears to my eyes I want to burst out in a scream cry
I clap loudly to hold my sorrow
in
the dinosour reaches for my heart and I want to stay
we keep going deeper into the story and now they are cry screaming
gently removing the cloth from each foot and eventually their dinosour head
underneath
human
i stand in the buzz for a moment
clapping was discussed
some were trying to show how they use their fingers to make noise
one who hadn't seen the phenomenon tried and knocked off their repellors
i feel yesterday in my muscles
a quick call to the nearest massage place
she pushes her elbow deep into my bones act like it doesn't hurt me the slightest
act as if I'm ok inside
she stands up and puts her whole weight on me
i let out a whimpy cry
she keeps going as if she knows i don't want her to stop
she rests her hand on my forehead and tells me to turn to the other side
my muscles ache
but help me get up anyway
somehow we are connected
my eyes sticky from sleep
jacket over my pjs i need this walk now
there's something is the air
i follow the scent through the trees next to the water
my thought are rushing rushing rushing me
until i reach the point i always do
searching looking looking look look
look for what ur searching
looking looking looking king
crown crowning crowning crowning now
crawling crawl crawl crawl
look look look look look kool
don't let them see what ur searching for
give them something to adore
look look look look
mom i'm looking for
something something some
things some one someone
someone is looking someone is looking
some one is looking for something
search in g searching searh to
and open open open OPEN open
scratch the surface and open the hole
~
do you have a website
no i have a youtube channel
that's why i'm here
if you know anyone who can take pictures of you
invite them to your gallery show
make a new email
separate proff and pers email
doesn't get spammy
overview everything
~
i was working at a fastfood restaurant taking orders
we had to finish every costumer within 40 seconds
next
next NEXT
a woman is pushing another woman in a wheelchair slowly making their way toward me
i couldn't believe my eyes
i thought she had died long time ago
i say Lila
she doesn't hear me
i step out and go to her
she'd become blind
Teta Lila ja sam
Aunty Lila it's me
Medina
how are you
it's so good to see you
i can't believe you came here today and stood in my line
i hated that job but for a moment it felt like all the crap was woth that moment
on my left hand a tatto resides
her name forever on my body
serving as a reminder of that moment when a flower rose from that smelly place
i cried that night
unknowing that would be the last time i'd see her
i never knew where she went
i hate the cursive
lately, I'm woken up by the pounding
broken glass shatteres as my dream is trying to connect to me
i integrate them two
in my dreams
when i close my eyes
i open them to a vision where a thousand glas pieces float in space
theres a bright
¤
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468:022021
madame do you feel more loenly or less lonely if you go to a crowded park
do i decide this
why cant you decide
it doesent matter where you go
im always here
because of my elders loneliness
after they had to
run
im the result - lump of muscles thought,s emotion empathy
maybe thats why i cant
always lookfor me
i can only find you me you me youme
jumped
she cant remember if she did
how do you know what you know
we look at eachother to find ourselves
to establish ourselves
an extraction of a reaction
if i say it enough i belive it
is that all it takes
to convince
you need somebody
to convince
you
that
im
sorry
its impossible
you are there and i am hee
there is no use So i close the gap we never jumped
i know that i am crazy
because youre reading this
today 1:06
interessant
you or me?
well
your profiel
tell me what you see
ehhm
U Binladen and a mouse?
haha
yes no no
you go off what you see is what you get?
not really plus i dont really know what im seeing
its just interessant
i wanted to know what you saw
that way i can see what you see
about the caption you are talking about the arabic guy or hamtoro?
both you got one
i mean i also know the other one
hes the uncle of my turkish friend
how do you know him
hes my dad
you look turkish thats why
you think
pretty sure
where are you
i was in the garden smoking
and you
i was at a party
thought you might be too
where was it
in west
i was dead my body gave up
next time
next time
next time
next time
next time
next time
next time
next time
next time
next time
next time
next time
v
next time
i said it first
yup soon sam finished sa betonirajem
wauuuuw super
get it cowboy
gitty up cowboy
i found you
working